Dahlia's caring story

6th March 2025

Dahlia is a carer and leading advocate for women’s rights in Bristol, particularly in her work with Bristol Women’s Voice. Dahlia has spent the last three years working tirelessly to highlight the challenges faced by women in caregiving roles.

To mark Women's History Month and International Women’s Day, Dahlia spoke to us about her experience caring for her two sons and the difficulties women carers currently face.

My journey as a carer has been one filled with both challenges and profound moments of love and resilience. While I know that my situation may not be as dire as some of the women I work with, my experiences as a carer have still been a constant struggle.

Two years ago, my youngest son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Not long after, just eight weeks later, my eldest son was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. It was a challenging time for our family. My son was very ill, and it took us an agonisingly long time to get a proper diagnosis. He was wasting away before our eyes, and yet his symptoms were often dismissed. We had to fight for his health. As informed and educated parents, my husband and I knew how to advocate for him, but I often wonder, how do other families manage when English isn't their first language? Or when they can't even afford the bus fare to get to an appointment? What if they don’t even know what questions to ask?

Through countless emergency visits to the hospital, I was able to witness the incredible dedication of NHS staff, but I also saw the difficulties they face. My son’s diabetes was finally diagnosed after he fell critically ill with Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA). The hospital staff were extraordinary—professional, kind, and calm. They kept us grounded during one of the scariest times of our lives. I will forever be grateful for their support. But at the same time, I learned that some of these same nurses, after working long 12-hour shifts, had to go to food banks to feed their own children. That’s just not right. These people dedicate their lives to caring for others, and yet they struggle. It’s heartbreaking.

As a single parent, I was barely able to keep it together, and I know I would have had to quit my job if I didn’t have flexible working hours. Flexible working is crucial for many carers, and it should be a standard offering for all employees. Losing my job would have been financially catastrophic for my family.

To make matters worse, there was a financial blow when my eldest son turned 17. The child support payments I was receiving stopped overnight, and we lost £300 a month. For a family like mine, that’s a huge loss. I tried to explain my son’s health situation to the authorities—he was too ill to work or go to college—but I was met with the dreaded “computer says no.” This lack of flexibility in the system is a serious issue. Losing that financial support was hard for us, but I can only imagine how devastating it must be for families who are already in a fragile position. That’s a loss that can push people into poverty.

Through all of this, I’ve realised just how important it is to have a system that supports families in these kinds of situations. Nobody told us about possible exemptions or alternative pathways. It’s a broken system, and it needs to change.

The strain on women carers

Unpaid carers, as well as paid carers, with many of those on zero-hour contracts with no rights, are exploited. Carers experience a huge amount of pressure because they don’t want to leave the person they’re looking after.

For those receiving care, there’s the loss of dignity—because some carers only get 15-minute scheduled visits. What can you actually do in 15 minutes? You can barely wash someone, change the bed, and organise their medication. It's awful.

These situations are compounded by financial hardship. So many women don’t have cars; they have to walk or take the bus everywhere. They might work five hours but only get paid for one hour because they can only bill for appointments. They’re being exploited, and the system is doing nothing to address it.

Additional reflections on caring

I understood that there is so much unseen in care. The practical aspects, the emotional strain, carrying the grief, moments of potential emergency, having to get up in the night, and the level of exhaustion add an entire dimension and part-time job on top of existing life.

• I felt guilt and anger, unable to protect my children.
• I felt heartbroken to see my children suffer.
• I was profoundly exhausted.
• My mental health deteriorated. I felt overwhelmed.

A year in, I had to take a month off, luckily on paid sick leave, and use every available minute to sleep and rest.

My son’s illnesses can be managed, and we sometimes make it look easy, but it is always there, even when it can move to the background.

It also adds many extra costs and time for attending extra doctors, hospital and other appointments with health professionals.

Carers need support to not fall ill themselves. I couldn’t have done it without my friends. I could simply not have done it.